his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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