He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
