my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
