I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
