dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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