i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
