I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
