we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
