he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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