Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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