Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
