this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
