We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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