oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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