i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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