Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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