Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
