I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
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So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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