I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
