She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
