Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
