everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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