I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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