It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
