what day is it and did you see me today?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
