It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
