the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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