The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
