i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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