Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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