Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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