So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
