So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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