I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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