He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
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Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
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Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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