you guys were way drunker than both of me
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
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Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
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Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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