dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
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You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
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I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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