haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
