He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
babies were throwing up all over the place
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
