dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
