think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
