I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
