Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
