Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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