Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
