If i could tip my vagina, i would.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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