this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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