you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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