I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
