I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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