I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
