Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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