i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
