His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
