So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
