i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
How does one acquire holy water?
Randomize
