I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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