My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
