I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
