dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
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