oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
