jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
