AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
