Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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