I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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