Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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