After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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