Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
