Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I just googled if crying burns calories
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
